Is there any link between wine snobbing and street credibility? The Wine Rambler of course knows a little something about the former; my street credentials though are limited to having taken part in two street fights in Swabian suburbia in the 80s (don't ask) and walking past a burnt-out car in Hackney at 2am.
But all of this is about to change! Because from now on, drinking Riesling will be about as cool as hanging out with "da niggas" and torching a few cars. Seriously! A little while ago I noticed that 'Riesling' became more popular on Twitter; more importantly perhaps, lots of cool kids mentioned it: 'Beasting off the Riesling' seemed to pop up every other minute in my TweetDeck. What had happened?
In August, Hip hop artist Jay-Z released the single 'We run this town'. It features Rihanna and Kanye West (recently been called a Jackass by a rather un-presidential American president). The video is full of gangsters, torches and cool moves. And it features the following lyrics:
She got a ass that'll swallow up a g-string And up top, uh, two bee stings And I'm beasting off the riesling And my nigga just made it out the precinct
Turn up the volume, pour some more Riesling and go to 4:02:
All the way, I knew it! Riesling is going to get you all the girls:
'Tis the life that everybody ask for 'Tis the fast life, we are on a crash course What you think I rap for? To push a fuckin Rav 4? But I know that if I stay stunting All these girls only gon want one thing
But what does 'beasting' mean you may ask? The Urban Dictionary - yes, I am destroying all my street cred here - defines it as follows:
'To become a beast is: 1.to become real good at something i.e. video games, the guitar, football game 2.to become ferocious and belligerent and to engage in actions of violence or disrespect. 'Beasting' or 'beasting it' is to engage in actions which demonstrate any of the two before stated definitions.
Leaving this nerdy digression behind, let's go back to the issue of street credibility. Eventually, I was there. Sitting in my arm chair with a nice late harvest all the ghettos would open up their gates to me. Black convertibles, golden necklaces, scantily clad women - here I come! Riesling drinkers of the world, we are now officially cool! However, the issue seems to be open to debate. Leaving the cool Twitter-gangstas aside, other bloggers do not really seem to like the idea of snobs like me being associated with street cred:
Hahaha whaaaaaaaat!?! The RIESLING!?! What does that even mean? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Maybe not the dumbest, because I've listened to talk radio before, but COME ON! Right now, your contemporaries are extolling the intoxicating virtues of Patron and Ciroc and a hundred other forms of alcohol, and you choose RIESLING? The only wine with less street cred than that is white zinfandel, and it's a pretty close race. [...] And what is "beasting"? I assume it means getting amped up in an aggressive manner, so I would love to know exactly how riesling in particular is the super-juice that is perfect for all your mega-hyped-up beasting needs. Are you going to go raise some hell at the local Pottery Barn? Plan on FREAKING OUT at brunch? This should totally be the new tagline for riesling: "Riesling: When You Just Need to Start Some Shit at a Bridal Shower".
So is it all lost then? No beats and bitches for the Wine Rambler? I think I will counter this with a time-honoured argumentum ad verecundiam: the Drink Planner knows fuckin' shit about Riesling whereas the Wine Rambler is da Riesling man! Expert knowledge always wins; Riesling street cred saved! Well, not really, at least according to the Twitter wisdom of Matt Helgeson:
"I'm beasting off the riesling" - Kanye, is this what it's come to? countdown to lyrics about expensive brands of extra virgin olive oil
So before I slip back into middle class hell, maybe I should end this pots now, with Rihanna singing:
Feel it coming in the air Hear the screams from everywhere I'm addicted to the the thrill Its a dangerous love affair Can't be scared when it goes down Got a problem, tell me now Only thing that's on my mind
... Riesling! * Kanye West and Jay-Z, photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/mikebarry/ (licensed CC BY 2.0)